Shadow of The Vampire

To use a word commonly used by my friend Jeremy, I would call this one "Crap-tacular!" While this film showed promise with a plot based on the mysterious filming of the classic "Nosferatu" and a cast including Eddie Izzard, Willem Dafoe and Udo Kier, it started off bad and got worse. The accents were terrible and disgustingly mismatched, both American and English actors clumsily fumbled through the German tongue, John Malkovich being the biggest offender, slipping in and out of his accent faster than you can say "Robin Hood." The continuity problems were an eyesore, with different typings of "Orlock," a seeminly endless ladder walk and mismatched cigarette positions. Most important of all, the story was shit, leaving holes everywhere in the plot. The warning signs were all here however. First off: Executive Producer Nicolas Cage—they must have shopped this one around quite a bit before landing on somebody as rich and inexperienced as Cage. Next up was the single preview syndrome—if you only see one preview over and over again then even the promotions team couldn't find any better clips to show. (I did want to spank everybody who laughed at the "I'll eat her later" line, since everybody's heard it a million times by now.) And finally: director Edmund Elias Merhige. While he may have been praised for 1991's "Begotten" for his stylish imitation of classic black-and-white film, he hasn't directed anything else, automatically qualifying him for the "discount director" award. Stay far away or go rent Ed Wood.