This is one of the most uninspiring albums I’ve ever heard. Heidi Mortenson’s debut is self indulgent, boring and forced. It makes me feel envious of the congenitally deaf. Although it does make the rest of my records sound better now.
Wired Records
From the first few bars of “I Just Know,” I just knew that this was going to be a tough album to listen to. Starting from a positive point I must admit the synthesizers are warm and full and the retro melodies are nice. Apart from that, this song is a mess. The squeaky rhythm which sounds like it’s made from Mortenson’s voice is terribly annoying. Her singing leaves a lot to be desired. She obviously likes the sound of her own voice because she has layered her singing into every nook and cranny. Her lyrics are tired and clichéd pass the point of resuscitation. The depressing point is that this is just the start of it, the album gets much worse. The song that follows makes “I Just Know” sound like a masterpiece.
“Workin On It” is a travesty, Mortenson should be on trial in The Hague for crimes against music. Apart from the fact that every note and beat has been played to death before, the vocals on this song (and I use the word “song” loosely) are a nightmare to listen to. A combination of her accent, timing and intonation make my stomach turn. I can’t put my finger on it but it is a dreadful and upsetting sound.
Mortenson takes influences from all over the place with hints of electro, R’n’B and rock. Unfortunately she ruins it all by adding nothing but drivel to the mix. It’s like someone went into the studio and did their best to make the most stereotypical European sounding electronic record they could. As if that wasn’t bad enough, on “U’re not with Me” Mortenson takes PJ Harvey’s “Rid of Me” and removes parts of the lyrics for own misuse. This is a mistake for two reasons. Firstly, she gets the lyrics wrong. Whether she changes the lyrics intentionally or not I don’t know but it sounds awful. Secondly, she hasn’t a fraction of the talent of Ms. Harvey. Instead of sounding powerful, feminine and sensual, Mortenson reduces the words to a meaningless warble.
There is one thing that stands out about this album and that is how contrived it all feels. From the pictures in the sleeve notes of Mortenson posing in “eccentric” clothing to the way that the music tries so hard to be weird but in a safe pop way; it all seems like Mortenson is doing her best to be kooky. This makes all the music sound vastly two-dimensional. If an artist wants to pretend to be something they’re not, become an actor and not a musician.
I would have thought that a well-travelled, cosmopolitan and technically talented person (she builds her own microphones and seems to have a good knowledge of the mechanics of electronic music) could have come up with something far less derivative and aurally insulting as Wired Things. I’m not surprised that Mortenson had to release this on her own label; there is a very limited audience for this music made up of herself and possibly her friends. By the end of the album I feel like taking the disc out and smashing it, to rid the world of this evil.
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